Winter isn’t coming anymore. It’s here. We were so lucky to not have any snow until the end of January. Maybe we were too cocky about how little snow we had. Maybe we bragged a little too much about what a great winter we were having.
Then the snow came. Now we are 3 feet deep and expecting more snow.
Our first winter as homeowners has taught us a few things:
1. 60 degrees is a warm enough thermostat setting if there is enough snow insulating the house. Seriously. We have terrible windows but our house is warm enough at 60 degrees. Most likely because the snow is piled high on the side of the house…which probably isn’t a good thing.
2. One snow shovel means only one person can shovel at a time. The person who shovels should be the most handsome and most muscular person in the house. It’s only fair. Ed. Brige is ripped like a lumberjack*
3. Whoever decides to buy the roof rake has to use it. Also, roof raking seems silly. (I was going to say it is silly but I believe in karma). Ed. Do you know what aren’t silly? Ice dams
4. Father-in-laws are the best because they give you their old snow blowers. However, don’t say aloud that you “will never learn to use the snow blower”. That will instantly set off little alarms in a certain amazing shoveler’s head that you MUST learn because feminism. (Karma. I should never have said it aloud…or bragged about it to others). Ed. It’s true. I taught her how to use the snow blower. She’s a natural.**
5. Salting is a good job for the non-shoveler/non-snow blower. All you have to do is grab a cup (finding a good cup is a great skill). Take a scoop of salt and every-so-carefully sprinkle the cup of salt on the ice. I hope you wore deodorant because, man, that is a sweaty job!
6. Sometimes you need to break up the ice. We don’t have gutters, so all the snow melts right on the front slab (also known as the front steps…but there aren’t any steps, it’s just a slab). Nick is an excellent ice breaker. He has a cool ice-breaking-pick-thing. He uses it so well. Really, he’s pretty amazing. Ed. Suck up. See the second half of lesson 4
7. Chili is a good winter food. So is butternut squash soup. I make pretty good soup and chili. Nick makes better soup and chili. Keep up the good work! Ed. Latest culinary lesson learned: cayenne chili powder and ancho chili powder are not substitutes***
We hope these tips help all you homeowners, soon-to-be homeowners, and wish-we-were homeowners. To the renters who want to feel good about not having to clear snow, you’re welcome.
Just in case you wanted to see all our snow.
Here is the snow on porch 1: (this was our patio set that we never put away…hopefully it’s still usable come summer)
Porch 2: We probably should have closed the door to the grill (note: it doesn’t stay closed; we would have had to tie it closed)
*writer’s note: This isn’t true. I’m a shrimp. I’ll be ripped one day. In the meantime, SOMEONE (Nick) bought another shovel.
**writer’s note: I’m refusing to learn how to turn it on. It’s a little victory, but it makes me happy.
***writer’s note: no they are NOT. Holy hell my mouth was on FIRE!