Ed Note: DISCLAIMER: The following blog post contains graphic descriptions of common household tasks. It is advised that readers abstain from eating while reading.
Best Wife in the World Award goes to me. (Notice I ended that statement with a period an not an exclamation point. That was a conscious decision.)
Prologue: The shower stopped draining. Well, that’s not entirely true. It drained, just so slowly that you’re taking a bath by the end of your shower. Nick blames me for having hair to clog the drain. I blame the people who lived in the house before us.
My lovely, handy (ha!) husband asked me to go to the store after work today to pick up a drain snake. I thought we already had one, but apparently we didn’t. So I picked up the stupid piece of barbed plastic and thought to myself, “Great! Now Nick can fix the shower and we won’t be showering in our own filth anymore! Hooray!”
Later that night I got a call from Nick. He was moving his car to a spot closer to his building (he was working late on this particular night). He asked me to unclog the drain. Me. Brigette. Me. Myself. Ed. Note: As it turns out, there’s more to being a homeowner than gardening.
Recap: I picked up the drain snake.
(Ed. Note: Cue the the violins) At this point I’m thinking to myself, “Why did I get married if I end up having to do all the work? I shoveled. I used the stupid snow blower. I created the snakes for the ice dams. Now I have to unclog a drain?! These are all on my Nick List (the list in my mind of things I should be exempt from and only Nick should have to do).”
Well, long story short. I unclogged the shower. It was probably the most putrid experience thus far in homeownership. (Ed. Note: She conveniently missed out on holiday toilet auguring) As the hair came up so did some strange grey sludge. Our water reeks of sulfur (though we have a filter we use to fight the smell) and the glob of grossness reeked like nothing I ever want to smell again. (Ed Note: please keep in mind that, as mentioned above, the loyal husband has performed a similar task, albeit with a toilet…multiple times)
I texted Nick pictures of the clog (though I won’t post them. They’re gross. I’ll probably delete them from my phone). Then I made the decision that I am such an amazing wife for unclogging the shower that Nick can clean the cat box for the rest of the week (I told him for the rest of his life, but that’s a little dramatic).
Thus, I’m presenting myself with the Best Wife in the World award for tonight’s experience. Nick, you’re welcome.
Ed Note: Sorry about this post. I hope you survived. If you need to cleanse your mind, follow this link.